I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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