just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
