Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
