Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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