i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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