dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
