So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
