I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
