She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
