is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
