Do you still have your period?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
