Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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