sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got inside last night via doggy door
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
