i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
operation harelip BJ is a go
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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