that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You can't special order awesome
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
