Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
