so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
