We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
