she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
