I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
