I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
