i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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