Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
