Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We had to coat check the pizza.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
