I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Randomize
