you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
