I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
