I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
