I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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