i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
