i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
