can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
