Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We got so high we made milksteak
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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