Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
