We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
