i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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