I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
