Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
