she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
