I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
