There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
