One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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