i jhust puked up my retainher.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
