So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
