Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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