Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
