Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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