Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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