i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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