why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This baby is an asshole
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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