can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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