Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
