My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
