Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
