ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
