South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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