What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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