She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
